One of the really difficult things about being so far from home is the frustration you feel when someone dies or gets sick. It has taken me years to come to terms with both death and illness and I still struggle to find the right words to say to people who are experiencing those things. I guess I have learned that the best thing you can do for anyone is just be there.

Marilyn and Diane have been friends of mine for eight or nine years since I moved into Haddonfield. We have had a lot of laughter over the years, have shared meals, a million cups of coffee, have watched fireworks together, sat naked in a hot tub sipping wine and have talked about anything and everything. They are impossible to not love. Both of them are life forces, positive and giving. And they are soul mates to one another, of that I have absolutely no doubt. They met at a spiritual retreat and had an immediate connection even though Marilyn was a recently separated mother of five at the time. They have lived together with five school age kids in a small town, something which wasn't easy for either of them. Marilyn had lived there all her life and was the object of much gossip. Diane, an out lesbian for years in Philadelphia, was floored by the level of small town scrutiny., Yet they stayed, demonstrated their commitment to each other and the town, and people absolutely took them to their hearts.

So I have to say that my heart has been a little broken these past eight or nine months by Marilyn's illness. After months, her specialists finally arrived at a diagnosis of ALS, or Lou Gehrig's disease, as it is commonly known. She has a particularly aggressive form of it and it is making rapid progression. She was dancing at my going away party in March, 2004 and was only beginning to feel strange neurological symptoms last summer. Now she is in a wheelchair, unable to speak or care for herself. She and her partner, Diane, who have been unceasingly kind to me since the day I met them, were plaintiffs in a lawsuit brought by Lambda Legal against thea State of New Jersey for the right of gay people to marry. It took incredible courage but neither of them shied away from it, because for them, it felt right. And it felt right to me, and my friends, and we went to rallies in support of them. They didn't want to be domestic partners because they felt that demeaned their relationship and commitment to one another. They wanted to be on equal footing with straight people, and why not? Anyway, the case got stalled in the courts and they were forced to register for domestic partnership, so Diane could ensure that she is able to make decisions for Marilyn if she is unable to herself and that she can visit and be with Marilyn during her illness. They wanted to marry. To me, it is utterly heartbreaking that they will never able to do so. Our country needs to take a long look at our priorities.

I haven’t been able to write about this because each time I attempt it, I am flooded with emotions which have been easier to bottle up than deal with. But that time is over. Time to grow up.