Start of Ramadan

Ramadan starts today and I cannot help but think about A. I have gotten over all of the sadness and anger which haunted me, and can finally see him in a more realistic light. Truth is, it was a difficult situation and I should never have allowed myself to become so enamoured of him. It was the strangest thing. From the minute I spoke to him on the telephone, a few years before we came face to face, I knew he was going to be very significant in my life, but had no idea that it was going to be years of heartbreak. At the time, I thought fate brought us together. Can you imagine how silly I was to believe that! I was 38 at the time, not some kid, there’s no excuse for being all wide eyed.

Letting go of him was easy once I really decided it needed to be done. The problem was that after ten or twelve breakups, whenever we broke up it seemed like a joke. The last time we broke up was with a whimper and not a bang. He wasn’t being supportive of me when I was having a difficult time in my life and I just woke up to the reality that he could and would never be what I needed in a partner.

For all his faults, I loved him. I don’t love him anymore though. Now he just makes me sad. He’s truly happy for me, which both makes me feel good and want to cry. I can’t explain it. I know he loved me, but it wasn’t enough. What I have now is enough.