I had a mail from AF yesterday. It still bowls me over when he wishes me well. It feels good to be at peace with him. After everything that was said and done in that relationship, I never thought we would get to this period of détente. I was not happy with the sorry way things ended between us, especially after the love we shared. But it was never going to be right, not from day one, so I suppose it was inevitable that it end badly.

And though I know everything worked out as it should have, I still have some sadness about him. I’ve moved on and found love and made a great new life and he seems stalled, unwilling or unable to be happy. I guess that is at the heart of why we couldn’t be together – I felt he couldn’t choose happiness. Or wouldn’t. Either way, it wasn’t healthy for me.

I had a lovely mail from Andy Johnson too. I like him so much as a human being and am so glad we’ve become friendlier – especially in this past year through mails. He’s just plain special – kind hearted, smart, edgy, and with an amazing capacity for empathy. I liked him immediately when I met him, but now that I know him I really think he is quite wonderful. He’s been unfailing generous of spirit and supportive of me. For some reason, I have always found it easy to totally drop my guard with him because I knew I was in a safe place. So thinking of you today, Andy.