Tuesday, April 13, 2004

April 13, 2004

Easter wasn’t so bad without the family. It’s just another day to me as I am really not religious in any sense.

Saturday was sort of fun, joining the fray in Karstadt (local department store) shopping for Easter candy. I spent a long time looking at every different sort of candy and it actually was really fun. Bought a crazy amount of it and came home and made a nice little basket for us.

We have been spending a lot of time quietly alone which is very satisfying. We can both be in the same room; each of our heads buried in a book, and be very happy. There are no pressures, no worries at all with us. I hope that we are always so easy with each other, so simpatico. I have never felt like this with anyone, so accepted, so loved and secure. There’s nothing I can’t say to Chris, no mood that will scare him away. He doesn’t run from my darker side, yet he doesn’t indulge it either. He accepts it. Yesterday I was quiet and moody and depressed, wanting just to talk on the phone all day to Joanna and gossip, wanting to be in my old life. He was sweet and kind, touched my hand a lot, made me feel safe. This is the best biggest love I have ever had and I still have no clue what I have done to deserve it.

I wasn’t really loving him that much early Sunday morning when he came stumbling in from the pub, with the pub smell on him, and amorous intentions to boot! Why does booze make us so horny? He said he was sorry a bunch of times on Sunday when he finally came to life, but I wasn’t mad at him. By Sunday noon it was actually pretty funny as were the apologies from him. Apologies for something he couldn’t really remember…

We went to Lise and Richard’s place for Easter. Richard was visiting his family in Birmingham, England so Lise was putting on the meal herself and making it look easy. Lise is so easy to be around, warm, loving, open and oh so pretty. If you didn’t love her so much, you might have to hate her. And she has a great collection of books to boot so between her and Chris, I won’t have to buy too many. She and I have very similar tastes, handy as hell for me.

Easter was another wine soaked day into night with the usual suspects. Me, Chris, Jen and Paul, Barry, Joanna and Joao. Lise’s table is much like mine in Haddonfield, always full of food and wine, laughter and discussion.

Devouring books. Just polished off two by Augusten Burroughs – Running With Scissors, and Dry. Blasted through them. They were engrossing, shitty harrowing childhood followed by descent into alcoholism and written with a very wicked humor. For a long time at home I was having trouble concentrating and could not get through anything more than Vanity Fair magazine. So it’s great to be reading again.


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