The sun is shining and it feels like Spring. I needed to get out of the house badly so Chris and I wandered down to Starbucks for some coffee and fresh air and it did a world of good. I've been in a funk for days - alternating between tears and being a total bitch to Chris, who has been as sweet and kind to me as anyone could ever be, but whose patience I am definitely trying. He's going to New York on Monday and I am sure he's ready to get away from me!

I cannot remember my emotions ever running so high, yet the truth is that in the past, before Chris, before real happiness, they were always close to the surface. I don't know how I lived like that and I do not know how anyone could tolerate me.

I'll get past this, but it's going to be awhile. I am not used to feeling lousy and tired and in pain. But right now I'm focused on getting better, on being in Barcelona at the end of April and in Scotland in mid-May.